'committeechairman,' I appreciate your participation in this forum, and I hope you will continue to post comments. Please do not feel I am beating up on you by my following observations.
A certain sentence of yours exemplfies the problem most JW elders have. You wrote: "I know that you believe I'm f-ing up peoples lives by serving as an elder, but I continue to hold on to this because I can help people behind the scenes by having this authority."
I think I know what you meant by "having this authority," and I'm guessing you would like to be able to rephrase that comment, but I believe it is very revealing. It exemplifies the problem I had with JW elders throughout my 40+ years as an active JW. Most, if not all, of the elders I knew mistook responsibility for authority. Persons who view themselves as having a responsibility usually consider that they are also accountable. Persons who view themselves as having authority often do not, except to those having greater authority. I believe bullies are persons who fail to recognize their accountability for their actions toward "lesser ones."
The Watchtower Society holds all clergymen responsible--and accountable--for the errors of their respective religious organizations. This may explain some of the less than friendly responses to the participation in this forum of a current JW elder. I don't know you or your circumstances, but I wonder if you've considered the loss of authority as the reason you find it so hard to resign your eldership.
I restate my appreciation for your participation here, and I believe you are not the only current elder who participates in this forum.